Sibling rivalries are a common challenge for most families. They often leave parents wondering how to maintain harmony in the household. Understanding why siblings fight — and learning effective strategies to manage their conflicts — can help to bring back peace. In this article, we’ll be taking a closer look at the roots of sibling rivalry and exploring practical solutions that you can equip yourself with to help resolve the next temper tantrums. Discover how communication, quality time, and group projects (like arts and crafts), can lead to a happier home and more unified family unit.
Understanding sibling rivalry: why do siblings fight?
As long as there have been siblings, there have been sibling rivalries! Unfortunately, that isn’t much comfort to peacekeeping parents! If we want to help resolve sibling rivalry then we first need to understand why brothers and sisters argue. The reasons are varied, complex, deeply rooted in psychological factors, and unique to each family.
Feeling overlooked
Family dynamics shift as siblings are born, grow, and develop in different ways. After a life at the centre of their parent’s attention and affection it’s normal for older children to feel “dethroned”, leading to jealousy and competition. Younger children may find it difficult to mark their place in the family dynamic and middle children can often feel overlooked. As your children grow their personalities may clash, and what might be intended as playful teasing by one could feel annoying or intrusive to another. Sibling fights aren’t just petty squabbles over who gets ownership of the TV remote, they can be manifestations of underlying dynamics and bids for a parent’s love and approval.
Differing developmental stages
Another significant factor to consider when understanding why siblings fight is developmental stages. Children of different ages have different needs, abilities, and understandings of the world. An older child might be more independent, while a younger sibling could still be highly dependent on parents, leading to feelings of unfairness or neglect in the older sibling. This disparity in treatment, whether real or perceived, can fuel resentment between siblings.
Differing interests and activities can also contribute to sibling rivalry. When siblings have little in common, it becomes harder for them to connect on a shared level, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Furthermore, as children strive to establish their unique identities, they might rebel against being lumped together with their siblings, seeing this as a threat to their individuality.
Moreover, family environment plays a crucial role to sibling harmony. In households where open communication, emotional expression, and conflict resolution are not modelled or encouraged, siblings may resort to fighting as a way to express themselves and their frustrations.
Understanding why siblings fight is the first step in addressing the issue. Recognising these underlying causes can help parents to empathise with their children’s feelings, develop more effective strategies to manage and reduce conflicts, and foster a more harmonious home environment.
6 effective strategies to stop siblings from fighting
1. Open communication
Encourage your children to openly discuss their feelings and viewpoints. This helps them to develop empathy and understanding for each other's perspectives. Teach them to use "I feel" statements to express themselves. These statements avoid blame and can lead to healthier interactions. If it’s difficult to get fighting siblings to take turns speaking then consider implementing a “talking teddy”. Whoever holds the teddy is the person who gets to speak, the others must be quiet and listen to who is talking and express their thoughts once it’s their turn with the teddy.
2. Fair play, not favouritism
Children are sensitive to perceived partiality. Avoid comparing siblings to one another and ensure that each child is treated fairly. This reduces feelings of jealousy and competition, fostering a more balanced family dynamic.
3. Set clear boundaries and rules
Implement consistent household rules that define acceptable behaviour. Make sure these rules are clear, fair, and apply to all children equally. This consistency helps children understand family expectations and the importance of respect and cooperation.
4. Conflict resolution skills
Equip your children with skills to resolve disagreements peacefully. Teach them to listen actively, understand different viewpoints, and find solutions that are agreeable to everyone involved. Role-playing various scenarios can be an effective method to practise these skills.
5. Quality time with each child
Dedicate individual time to each child to ensure that they feel valued and understood. This can significantly reduce rivalry as each child feels they have a special, unique place in their parent’s eyes, independent of their siblings.
6. Group projects: arts and crafts
Engaging siblings in group activities like arts and crafts can be incredibly beneficial. These activities require teamwork, shared decision-making, and cooperation, so they’re an excellent exercise for siblings to bond over. There are lots of benefits for siblings who craft together…
Fostering teamwork and collaboration:
Through shared arts and crafts projects, siblings learn to collaborate, share resources, and appreciate each other's contributions. This shared goal fosters a sense of teamwork and mutual respect.
Enhancing communication skills:
Working together on a craft project encourages siblings to communicate effectively, discuss ideas, and express their thoughts and opinions constructively.
Developing emotional intelligence:
Arts and crafts offer a creative outlet for expressing emotions. Siblings can channel their feelings through art, leading to better emotional understanding and empathy towards one another.
Creating lasting memories:
The joy of creating something together strengthens the bond between siblings. Positive shared experiences can overshadow petty squabbles and build lasting memories between brothers and sisters.
Perfecting problem-solving skills:
Craft projects often require problem-solving skills. Siblings learn to tackle challenges together, enhancing their ability to work through disagreements in other aspects of their relationship.
Encourage positive sibling relationships through creative activities
Join the toucanBox family to explore a world of imaginative and educational arts and crafts. Our carefully designed projects are perfect for siblings to work on together, promoting harmony and cooperation.
Visit our shop: Discover our wide range of arts and crafts kits, ideal for siblings to enjoy together!
Join our subscription craft club: Receive monthly craft kits, perfect for encouraging collaboration and creativity amongst siblings.
In conclusion: crafting a harmonious home
While sibling rivalry is a natural part of family life, it doesn't have to be a constant source of stress. By understanding the underlying causes and implementing effective strategies — such as promoting communication, quality time, and collaborative arts and crafts — you can foster a more peaceful and harmonious home environment.
Ready to kickstart a creative adventure with your kids?
Let’s transform sibling rivalry into sibling revelry with toucanBox! 🎨👫
Curated by
Jéssica Dorantes
Editor and author of children’s literature, passionate about content for children and families, and specialised in Editorial Production
